Julián Esteban Torres López, HW Director & Columnist
When we speak of abortion, the discourse often settles around debates of women’s right to choose and whether or not a fetus should be recognized as a human being. This is an important discussion, and I do not want to take anything away from these camps. However, there are many other elements to the abortion issue that are often left out in conventional discourse. One element in particular I wish to discuss today is abortion and its impact on men.
For starters, let us not forget that even for a woman, whether she is for abortion or against abortion, and she has an abortion, she may experience some form of post-abortion emotional and psychological trauma, to different degrees. We should not assume that a similar trauma cannot be experienced by men also. Though the context and relationship is different, it is not fair to assume that the discourse of abortion is solely a women’s rights issue or human/not-a-human rights issue.
The operation can, and often does, leave scars on the men as well, especially if they were not involved in the decision-making process; more so if the fetus/baby (depending on your view) was given a name. Once a name is given, that abstract potential child becomes more tangible, more “real,” more “one’s own.”
Before the child is born, or aborted, a relationship and attachment can develop. If it does, and the abortion occurs, it can have traumatic effects on the men. If the men are not involved in the decision-making process, the trauma can be similar to if the child was stillborn. However, even if the men are involved in the decision-making process, there’s still a chance for trauma.
Fast forward a year, or five, or ten after the abortion. When that man sees a baby, or a child, or an adolescent, that aborted potential child’s shadow may follow the man home. That potential child’s shadow may burrow itself, as it often does, to dreams, conscious thoughts, emotions of guilt, of “what ifs,” of questioning the man’s own potential of being a father, if he would have been a good father, if that was his last and only chance at fatherhood, if he was the father at all, if he had a say would he had gone through with it, and so on.
A feeling of powerlessness may set in. A fear of such a thing occurring again may surface and keep the man from being able to be intimate with his significant other. The experience may yield a desire to never have children. The list goes on. There’s a worry of being ostracized if such emotions and concerns are expressed because these are largely considered “women’s issues” and men are “supposed” to be strong, macho, manly. These issues are not supposed to bother the man. He’s not supposed to cry over such things. And, besides, this is about the rights of the potential baby and the woman, not the man. Such assumptions make the traumatic experience that much more difficult for the men involved. Social norms, conventional discourse, prejudices, and biases can often be causes and reasons for the barriers that keep us, as a society and individuals, from effectively dealing with the entirety of the spectrum that comes with the abortion issue.
The purpose of this discussion is not to compete between elements of the abortion discourse. No. The point is to shine the spotlight on another important issue and to let men know that they are not alone, that it is okay to feel like they do, and that there are coping resources and support groups out there. The point is to let others become aware that abortions impact men as well, and that sometimes they too need to be asked the following questions: How are you coping with this? Are you alright? Do you need anything? How do you feel? But we need to do more than to express concern over their well being. We also need to provide the foundation and the environment to make this experience easier to deal with for all persons in the equation.
This is a complex experience for all involved, regardless of what side of the fence you are on. The main thing to remember is that there are many fences and a variety of individuals involved in the experience — all of whom have the potential for being traumatized in one way or another by the abortion.
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Photo credit: Menandabortion.com
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The analogy between the fetus and the cancer growth is not only “drastic”, it’s also completely ridiculous. Here are just few of the reasons why:
1. Fetuses do not present an imminent danger to the life of the woman.
2. It takes two people to make a fetus, it is not a random disease.
3. Fetuses will eventually become full-grown humans.
4. Cancer growths do not have souls.
5. To liken the fetus to a growth eliminates the distinction between a fetus that is a few weeks old to one that is four months old.
Furthermore the choice to abort is not simply about the right to choose what to do with one’s body. The body being aborted is not the woman’s, it’s another individual that happens to reside in the woman’s womb. That’s a very important distinction. I do not see how a random evolutionary occurrence should grant the woman an “extra” right over ownership of the fetus. Without the man, there is no child.
It’s also quite convenient that once a child is born the entire legal apparatus will descend upon the man and force him to take care of that child. So to resume: currently the man has absolutely no say regarding the abortion process but once the baby is born, he is now responsible for the child and may be forced to pay child support if he decides to leave. How such a state of affairs could be considered just boggles the mind.
Furthermore how is it possible to equate the sadness of a man whose child was aborted with the sadness one feels for the death of a pet?
It should also be noted that the pro-choice view (“my body, my rules”) is rooted in a completely materialistic understanding of human existence, one which excludes the possibility of a spiritual dimension to man. Such a philosophy gained prevalence around four-hundred years ago with the works of (among others) Thomas Hobbes. His “project”–contained in the book “The Leviathan”– was to treat men solely as bodies in the hopes of establishing a political system that was “truer” to our nature. That system ended up being an absolute monarchy with a citizenry composed of frightened men and women. Hobbes’ model for this project was modern natural science, whose immediate and profound successes he had found appealing. The problem of course is that we are not simply bodies. To promote such a view is to do violence against human nature, it is a complete reduction.
The abortion issue for me has and always will be the issue of a woman’s right to choose the fate of her own body. It would be as if someone came along and told a person that they were not allowed to remove a cancerous growth because that growth had the potential to become something else. Yes, I understand that the analogy is a drastic one, but for women who do not want to/or are not ready to go through the process of pregnancy and child-bearing, it can seem as drastic.
The issue of a man’s right over a woman’s right to choose is clear in my mind. He doesn’t have that right if we are talking about a fetus which could not viably exist without a woman’s womb. Should that become medically possible, with a willing male counterpart to raise a future fetus, we would have a completely different scenario to consider.
I am, however, sensitive to the fact that some men would be traumatically affected by their partner’s decision to terminate a pregnancy. As with most traumatic experiences, one needs to get support and to seek out resources in order to alleviate the pain of the experience. One also needs strategies to help them cope with the reality of the situation and perhaps even couple counseling if they are still together after such a decision. I do not make light of your attention to this matter, but people feel equally sad and affected when they lose their pet, have failed relationships, lose a child by miscarriage. Yet, I feel very strongly that none of it has to do with or should involve the essential right of a woman to choose.
The men who are affected by abortion need support as do women who are affected by their choice to abort a fetus.